Des:
*in American accent* Hi! I'm Ed Winchester! Alex: I'm Ted Baker!
Des: No I'm not, I don't know what i just said then! *laughter*
What's a brief history of the band?
Alex: Got together, formed band, here tonight. Me: How did you meet each other?
Des: Er, singles magazine, lonely hearts club, and grab-a-granny
Alex: Male seeking male.
Wol: For lots of strumming...
Des: And hopefully other things!
Why did you call yourselves [spunge]?
Des: Because 'The Goonies' wouldn't have sounded as good.
Jem: And it was already taken.
Me: How come you spelt it wrong?
Alex: Cos' there's an American band who have it with an O
Me: And why the square brackets?
Des: So the numbers don't fall out when...when...
Alex: When you got it on a shelf. When you got it on a shelf they stop the S
being pushed of one end and the E off the other.
How did you get onto B-Unique?
Alex: Well, we sort of went like that *climbs onto the table...* . Des: They said here's a piece of paper, and here's a pen, so...and that's
kinda how it went
Alex: They came along to us...
Did you think that 'Kicking Pigeons' would get you so well noticed in the UK
scene?
All: no
Alex: Only with the RSPCA *laughter*
Jem: It was a rubbish song, we didn't even write it!
Alex: Can you leave that bit out please? Cheers.....
Des: It was wrote by Gareth Gates...WANKER!
How do you feel about 'Jumping on Demand' getting you into the main stream?
Alex: Mainstream, hey...
Des: Oooooooooooh! I especially liked the bit where we did the guest
appearance on CD:UK!
Alex: Yea, if mainstream is doing exactly the same thing that we always
have, then it's great!
What did you think of playing at Reading?
Alex: Awesome! Actually, apart from the last time!
Des:
Reading Festival was excellent, Reading Uni was great apart from the
security wank-pots.
Alex:
And the cells aren't very warm there
Where was your first gig, and who were you supporting?
Jem:
Supporting no one, at a Village hall wedding reception
Des:
In the middle of no where!
What was your best gig and who was it with?
Des:
I don't know!
Me:
It has to be with Mixtwitch!
Alex:
Does it!
Des:
I'm going to have to go with Greenday! If we're name dropping here, if we're
name dropping, it's either the Foo Fighters, or Greenday!
Me:
Noooo! What about Mixtwitch?
Des:
What about them?!
Alex:
They are a really great band, it was a really great gig, but
like...y'know...but Greenday kinda beats them!
Me:
Fair play!
What's been the funniest thing that's happened on tour? Apart from the sex toys
found in Alex's bag at airport customs?
Des:
Al getting arrested...Beep Beep!
Alex:
This tour I have mostly been getting arrested!
Des:
Oh, and Jem following him in the car behind! *laughter*
Jem:
Car in front actually!
Ok, strange and disgusting facts about each of you?
Alex:
We've gotta do strange or disgusting facts about each of us....have we gotta
do our own, or....
Des:
Jarv likes cock up his arse. Me:
Who was it that got stopped with the sex toys? Alex, yea?
Alex:
Meeeeee! Whoooohooooooo! I got stopped on the way back from Calais and I had
a a bag full of sex toys..
Me:
Anal beads!
Alex:
Yea, all sorts of shit!
Des:
Yea, they found Jarv's up his own arse!
Alex:
They weren't my sex toys, can I just say?
Jem:
I pick my nose, but i don't eat it.
Alex:
No, he lets other people eat it.
Des:
Mine is...I'm a lesbian, I hate blokes, I only sleep with women...
Wol:
He's trapped in a man's body
Des:
Yea, hell yea!
Alex:
My penis drags on the floor whenever I'm walking.
Wol:
I'm a bird watcher.
Alex:
Wol's got a mask with 'rapist' written across the top.
Des:
His middle name is 'Billody' *laughter*
What do you think of other UK bands in the Ska-Punk scene?
Alex:
I think they're good
Des:
Very good....
Me:
What about the Irish scene?
Alex:
You're kinda biased on the whole interview thing...!
Des:
Er, just interrupting the interview, er, she's shagging one of the guys from
Mixtwitch, so really a big plug for Mixtwitch, even though they're a
good band...
Caz:
It was Ronan!
Des:
Ronan....oh dear, it's going pear shaped, she's a bit embarrassed...so
Mixtwitch are a mighty fine, damn good band, but we're not sleeping
with them, so work it out for yourself. You're parents will be
pleased to hear that one!
Alex:
Sleeping with the band! did you hear that, the band! The whole band! Not
Ronan, the band!
Me:
Ok....right..
Des: Hang on, can I just interview you quick? Are Irish willies bigger than
English ones?
Me: What?
Des: Are Irish willies bigger than English ones? *laughter*
Me: No......
Des: Waaaahooooo! Shit!
Alex: There's an old saying...'Irish Japs Eyes Smiling'
Des: You're not supposed to say that!
Me: I was joking!
Des: You're supposed to go 'Fuck yea!'
Alex: But no, it's a four leaf clover!
Des: He's got the penis of the leprechaun. Hello, my lucky charms!
Me: Feking eejit!
Des: HAha! eejit!
Me: Turty tree and a turd.
Des: Hahahaha that's excellent!
Alex: I think you'd better move on love!
Do you think that Kerrang makes it hard for ska bands to get noticed?
Des: They're making it impossible!
Alex: Oooooooooh yes!
Des: Kerwho? Kerwhat? Kerhammer?
Jem: Kerching!
Des: Kerme
Alex: Kerplunk
Des: Kermaker
Alex: Ker...ker...ker....aah, forget it, we've run out!
Des: Kermaker, kerme, kerhammer, kerhooner, ker...yea. Fuck-off-kerrang!
Alex: They make it hard for any UK bands.
How do you rate the gigs you played with Mixtwitch in Ireland? Hehe!
Des: Alright! They were really good, but they've got small knobbers!
Alex: They're really good, but apparently they're shit in bed!
Me: I never said that!
Des: Obviously you're going to be doing some editing aren't you! C'mon!
Me: Huh?
Des: You're gonna do some editing..
Me: Nope....I'm not going to see him for 3 months, it doesn't matter. Plus,
I didn't say anything bad!
Alex: They are really good actually, probably got the best Irish taste we've
heard.
Des: What? You're gonna see him again? Even though he's got a small knobber?
Me: I didn't say that!
Wol: Small knobber, large bass
Jem: I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what about Mixtwitch, Mixtwitch were
great, like Al just said, they probably were the best Irish gig
we've done with like Irish bands blah blah blah. but, the drummer,
whatever his name is...
Me & Caz: Dave
Jem: Dave...owes me his fucking life and his family and his children's life,
because he is the only person on the planet dot com who I have let
even sniff near my drum kit! *laughter*
Des: Let alone play the fucking thing!
Alex: And we went to Ireland, and they live there!
Jem: We travelled like 400 miles with our equipment and he travels down the
road, and didn't have any!
Des: He was grateful, but it won't be happening again.
What are your porn star names?
Alex: Mine would be Kelly Robertson.
Des: Mine would be Tiggy Barnes
Wol: That's good, I like that.
Me: The best I've heard, was John from Spankboy's...his was G-Star
Alex: Now that is good! There's the G, and then there's the star. Nice.
Des: What's Jem's? Bear in mind his Greek-Cypriot background
Jem:
Prince Zambus *laughter*
Alex:
You rule!
Wol:
Snowy Smith...
Alex:
Snowy Smith? That's from Crossroads, not from porn! What are yours girls?
Caz:
Gizmo Owen
Alex:
Gizmo owen...and yours?
Me:
Smudge Gittens
Alex:
Smudge Gittens....ooooh...
What tattoos or piercing have you got?
Des:
I have tattoos on my arms, in my mouth, and on my arm. *pulls down bottom
lip to show us it had 'DES' tattooed on the inside*
Caz:
Did that fucking hurt?
Des:
Yeeeea!
Caz:
Did it?! *laughter*
Alex:
What tattoo doesn't!
Caz:
Tell us about our tattoos Wol.
Wol:
Aaaaai. You can't see them
Caz:
Yes I can
Wol: You can, but they can't.
Caz:
Ok, Wol has a huge collage on his right arm, and on his left arm he has a
tattoo of his little baby son.
Who has the biggest knob?
All:
Me!
Des:
I have the smallest one, but it's got the biggest animal behind it!
Alex:
Which way we going? Like width or length?
Des:
I'll show you!
Me:
Get it out!
Des:
Hang on, give me a minute, I've got to find it!
Caz:
Mitch, Mitch, come say hello to the interview!
Mitch:
It's still going?!
Me:
Yea, What's your porn star name? The name of your first pet, and you Mothers
maiden name.
Mitch:
Hairy the cat, and ...er...Freedman. Yo!
Me:
Ok, and how big is your knob?
Mitch:
How big is it...er...you might just have to find out!
Me:
Ok...Des, how big is your knob?
Des:
Er, erect it's alright, when it's not, it's er....
Me:
Is it bigger than an Irish man's?
Des:
Fuck yea! oh, yea! Me: What about you, Wol? Wol: I've never seen an Irish mans Des: Put it this way, being honest, with my knob you wouldn't like it on
the end of your nose as a wart. I can tell you that for nothing. Caz: what about Golden showers?
Des: Are you famous for asking questions like this?
Me: I'm famous for getting off with girls onstage
Des: No way! No way!
Me: Yea, when i first met Mixtwitch
Des: Well, tonight's your lucky night! Me: There's a framed picture of the exact moment above my bed. Des: Alright! No pictures of us then? Me: There's one of you on my wardrobe... Des: Nice! Oh no! That means I'm going to come out the closet! Me: Well played! Des: What did you do to your finger? *I have a big blue plaster on* Me: The keys at work are really sharp and i sliced myself with
them.
Des: What do you do for a living then?
Me: College, but I work at the Travel Inn making beds.
*Des then takes his pants down and sticks a lemon up his arse. Then
he sticks a banana in his flies, wraps a sandwich round it and gets
me and Caz to hold it for a photo. Pics of both of those incidents,
and our later documented 'The
[Spunge] And UK Punk Guide To Sex Positions', up asap!*
Me: Nice sandwich!
Des: Give it a good grab! You've done this before, haven't you ladies!
Ok, recording was getting all a bit to explicit at that point so it
stops there! Cheers [Spunge]!
